Ironically as I moved on in life, I did not spend the thousands on getting my most desired flute. Instead I got one with the help of a teacher, from a local 2nd hand shop for a mere 100 bucks. The money was diverted to paying of my school fees, a dslr camera and a trip to Taiwan. Sometimes its hard to distinguish between want and need.

I want to buy a laptop, but do I really need it? I want to buy a dslr, but do I really need it? There are times where one would suggest simply letting go of this "me" that exist in all of us, our rational self. Although wants and needs might possibly be the same, more often than not, it is usually conflicting. Siding with want would mean forgoing need, and vice versa. It would be clearer when we are at the point of decision making with resources being limited, where the "I" and "me" are negotiating.

The question is where does this "want" originate from. It is curious that humans are possibly the only being who would have the idea of wanting something. Foxes hunt for rabbits to feed its young, but do they kill off entire families of rabbits just so they are bored? Is there a reason or purpose to our life-form. Is there some role we are supposed to fulfill and stop at that? Why is it animals do things that are just enough, while humans kept doing things beyond what they are supposed to.

I think its something to do with how our brains are designed. I think our brain are so developed that it is something that we might not be able to control well. Being humans, at some point in life, there is always this feeling of emptiness in our hearts, that can be satisfied in today's world by materialism. To have our hearts feel full, or to die with a smile or without a care of the world, we need to work hard and have more things with our names on it.

Why is there this phenomenon of people wanting to own more things than they need. Why do people not be like animals, getting enough to satisfy a single meal. Are our brains so advanced that we cannot control it the way we want it to. This need to satisfy the emptiness of the heart give birth to the want. And could this finally bring about the eventual demise of the human kind? Can the universe sustain such an idea of infinity growth and want?

So why did I want to buy a flute, or for the matter, a laptop or a camera? I do not know.

I guess one reason we are superior to animals is our ability to do imaging in our brain. Its a really mysterious power I think, in some sense, this meant looking into the future as it would meant envisioning what we or our environment would become. The power of imagination let us see things which might not be there, but might be there if we can make them real.

I can imagine Galileo looking to the night sky, imagining what it feels like to be on moon or to see up close anyone of the stars up there. And he made it happen, with the telescope.

Thus I think that there is only one source of want, which comes from our desire to conquer, regardless of known or unknown. Although this ability guaranteed our survival in this world, it might also be the eventual cause of downfall of the humans. Will that day ever come?

The chief evil of the world, Capitalism, is the ultimate system to capture and abuse this innate want ability of ours. Social trends and cultures would all fuel this monster. Once this starts, it would never stop, or rather no one would allow it to stop. Its plain madness to imagine life without capitalism. The slippery slope and snow ball effect would only mean that problems would just be increasing at an increasing rate and its unstoppable. To do something would mean a fall out with the world, nobody would want that to happen.

It is incorrect to state that we should be rid of all desires, as even monks who propagate this are experiencing a desire to rid of all desires. Isn't it contradictory? Nonetheless, this hole in every human heart can still be mended, when one study buddhism and gain an enlightened understanding of life. It is not wrong to say that the spirit of capitalism has brought about more progression for humans than in the entire history, but the decay is more obvious now. How would one be truly satisfied?

Right now, the "I" in me is rather strong, so I would say: "heck with these ideologies, just get me my macbook and flute", although I know I would regret later, maybe in the next billion years.. However, if you ask me why I buy them, I would not know what to say, but its to fill the bottomless hole in my heart. I know that immediately after buying the macbook, the next moment, I already using it to search for the next new macbook...

Is it really possible to have infinity wants in a finite world?